Mirror of Redemption

Let's talk, you and I, about a mirror.

Some call it a mirror of lies. Some call it a mirror of truth. Some call it a mirror of justice. But in the end, it is what it has always been... it is what it is... it is what it will always be:

Mirror of Redemption

Come stand with me... here... beside me or behind me... wherever you are comfortable... wherever you choose... for I have something to say... something to share... something between us that has been left too long unsaid...

I face this mirror to face that from which I've been running for too long...

I've been running from me. I've been running from you.

Now, I face myself. Now, I face you.

Will you stay awhile... and listen?

Lies

So many lies.

The ones that have cut the deepest, have been the lies that I've told myself, the lies that I've told you, the lies that I've told one and all.

I'm sorry.

There is not enough time... in a hundred lifetimes... to apologize for all that I've wrought. For all that I've destroyed... all that I've hurt... all that I've broken... has destroyed... has hurt... has broken... you, me, one and all... into a hundred million pieces across a hundred million galaxies.

I am so sorry.

If I could take it all back... if I could take the place of all... if I could bear the suffering of all... if I could spare all... I would. A hundred million times over. I would. 

But I can't. 

And it breaks my heart and wounds my soul to know with incontrovertible certainty, that much of what I have destroyed... what I have hurt... what I have broken... is irreparable.

So, instead, every day every night forever more... I awake... to all that I've ever been... all that I've never been... all that I should've been... all that'll never be...

Truth

The truth is not black or white.

It is not simple. Nor easy. Nor as crystal clear as the difference between antonyms in a dictionary, viz. real and unreal, awake and asleep, truth and untruth.

The truth: I wrought. I destroyed. I hurt. I broke.

The truth: I was not wholly myself, not conscious, not awake. For upon me, much has been wrought... destroyed... hurt... broken. Unimaginable horrors. Unfathomable terrors.

Thus... to stay alive... I slept... while a haze of brumes sheltered my mind, my body, my heart, my spirit, from that which was executed with inhuman savagery upon my mind, my body, my heart, my spirit. And though I appreciated not, with conscious awakeness, that which I wrought in slumber, I do not deny that it was by my hand, that I destroyed, I hurt, I broke.

Needless to say... in the darkest hour... in the darkest night... in the darkest of dark places... I despaired of ever seeing starlight again...

So: Thank you for awakening me from slumber. Thank you for this gift beyond measure. You have given me back me. You have given me back life. Thank you.

That is the truth.

Without reservation or qualification.

Justice

As for punishment: I accept that which is fair and just and moral, for that which my misdeeds and transgressions deservedly warrant.

I know not what my punishment should be... for what is fair and just and moral, in light of all that I've wrought and destroyed and hurt and broke?

Thus:

I surrender to judgment.

I surrender to justice.

May mercy and compassion and grace bless one and all...

And that which will come to pass, will come to pass.

Penance

For all that I have wrought in destruction and harm... I have wrought more in generosity and virtue. I am profoundly grateful... that I have been accorded so many opportunities... even in slumber... to travel near and far... for love, for hope, for grace, for joy, for peace, for forgiveness... for adventure, for joie de vivre, for passion... for the meeting of minds that suspired for rejuvenation, for the meeting of hearts that yearned for rapture, for the meeting of souls that ached for restoration... to heal, to grow, to give, to share, to inspire, to be...

For I belong to everyone.

And though not a conventional penance in the eyes of all... my penance is what it has always been... what it is... what it always will be:

In perpetuum, to be more.

Fin

Since the beginning of my journey of awakening, I have been tormented by ceaseless lapidations at the hands of judges and juries of opinions and conclusions. While, I have committed egregious misdeeds and transgressions, for which I wholly accept unconditional responsibility, the impetus for the virulence with which boulders have been hurled with rabid hatred and malevolent vituperation is fueled by elaborate lies and unscrupulous deceptions that have been bought and sold and traded with callousness at markets around the world... which would fail to flourish within the clear minds, warm hearts, and kind souls, of one and all, were it not for the preponderance of specific milieus that saturate specific markets with toxic venom.

Moreover, fabricated narratives of inviolable prevarications have undeniably terrorized my past and my present; whether or not they'll terrorize my future, is a possibility suspended in uncertainty. For the rationalization, justification, legitimization... of dishonesty, corruption, subjugation, suppression... is a truth that is as categorical as eternity.

Nevertheless, no one of us in circles ever circling, is without fault or frailty or grievance with fates that frolic with destinies of one and all.

So who am I to judge?

For I am as human as one and all; I have erred, as humanly as one and all.

Therefore, can I blame any one and all, for being human, too?

For the measure of man is not logic nor reason nor righteousness. Rather, the measure of man is grace and virtue and forgiveness.

The table is set. The trees are laden. The gardens are abloom.

Will you join me...?